Chapter 16 (Heaven)

Chapter 16 (Heaven)

Pearl was still a part-timer here in heaven. She had not fully completed her mission on earth yet, but had requested to help on Emma’s team during the time she spent in the upper realm. It was a extra bonus that her grandparents were serving on this unit too. She had always wished to have more time with Ben and May while they were living. Grandparents are gone far too fast and one doesn’t always reserve the valuable time needed to avoid regret when they are gone. 

It looked like she would beat her own parents to heaven. Not that it was a race. She was not very close to them on earth, maybe she would get to know them more after they arrived. It did not look like that would take many more years. They both had failing health and were living in an assisted living facility. There had never been a falling out between parents and child. Pearl just followed her husband to where he was offered employment after college. The distance made it difficult to visit and they naturally grew apart. From this vantage point she knew her parents had missed her enormously and she felt bad she had not made more of an effort to travel to see them or let them know she did care. Forgiveness would be in order and freely offered hopefully. Humans make many mistakes. 

Everyone seemed so much wiser up here than she did. Her rapidly increasing capacity to learn would hopefully continue to kick in. Maybe everyone felt inadequate at first. It was amazing how much clearer she could see lives and events from this perch. All of her senses and reflexes were heightened. Using her new skills took practice. She felt like a superhero sometimes, maybe Spider-woman. There was still humor in heaven.  

The hardest part was watching the family she had left behind struggle. She ached to let them know she was okay and was doing all she could for them. Christian even allowed her spirit-self to sit at the Thanksgiving table with them while her physical form remained in another part of the house trapped between the bedsheets. She tried to communicate her presence. She was pretty sure Arty was the only one who knew she was there. The veil between these two worlds must be thinner for him. Sweet, humble Arty had a superpower too. She could see all the light that surrounded his simple-minded body and knew he was a great spirit before he went down to earth and would be when he returned. 

Emma felt something too at the table, it was quite apparent, but her teenaged daughter was too inward with all of her other issues to be open to the experience from across domains. Poor Jack was wallowing so deeply in sorrow that it would take a magic megaphone to break through to his sphere. He was not really a believer of things he could not see, so he would rationalize away any occurrence anyway. She missed them all profoundly, but still felt connected by the love they had for one another. 

It was a surprise to wake up after her aneurism to see her body crumpled on the floor below her. Emergency personal were working on her and then they took her to the hospital in an ambulance. She felt she should stay with her body, but seemed to wander off along the way. She could go anywhere her mind wanted to take her. 

She visited Emma and Arty at home with Joy and found Jack driving like a maniac to get to the hospital before returning to her body. That was when she first became aware there were other spirits in the room with her. Once she noticed them, they could communicate with her. She wondered if she was dead and supposed to go with them, but they let her know not yet. She would still be on earth for a while before she was delegated to be a full-time heaven dweller, but she would be going back and forth for training in the meantime.

How would that work? As soon as the thought came to her mind, their answer followed. She would be in an in-between state. Her body would be alive, but her mind and spirit would have the freedom to come and go. She later realized that is what a coma really is. Pretty crazy to be caught in this alternate existence, but it gave her time to process where she was going and what she was leaving behind.

To help with the transition she was called Pearl when she was in heaven. One of the meanings of her name, Maggie, was Pearl so it seemed a logical choice. Maggie/Pearl was caught between two worlds and was not the best she could be in either, but she could see her potential was endless. 

Though she did not have a home in heaven at this time, she visited often and communicated with permanent residents on a regular basis. Her current mission had her consumed when she was above, so the interactions were mission focused, not social. However one dashing young man emitting dazzling light, whose path she seemed to cross frequently, looked so familiar. 

Finally on one trip she had asked him, “Do I, or should I, know you?” 

He cautiously replied, “Maybe.”  Even more confused she had asked him to explain. And he suggested with a almost unnoticeable grin, “Look closer”. 

His sandy hair, hazel eyes, strong chin and slightly turned up nose reminded her of someone surely, but she could not place them at the moment. It is awful when a person knows they have seen someone before but cannot remember where. “Okay, I give up, tell me.” Pearl retorted. “Tell me please, before it drives me mad.”

The barely-a-grin turned into a full-face smile as he explained, “My name is Keegan. I am  assigned to possibly be your grandson. I will be born to Emma if she remains on the earth and makes according choices.”

 Pearl’s breath escaped her and she felt a bit light-headed. What? She was beholding her own grandson! The folding and interweaving of time never ceased to amaze her up here. She could get to know her grandson even before he was born. 

The magnitude of the moment blew her mind, but not enough that she forgot to embrace the man-boy with all her might. “Well, let’s just make sure you get where you need to be going young man!”, Grandma Pearl emphasized. 

“There are more of us”, Keegan added somberly, “but I will wait to introduce you to them until we know which way Emma’s story goes.”  

Every trip after that Pearl took at least a few moments, and sometimes longer, to check in with cute Keegan. He was so hopeful to be a part of the Lanrete line and willing to help her in anyway he could. It was incredible to get to know him as a man before he would be born a baby and grow into a boy. He seemed so wise, how could all that wisdom be packed into a tiny body. Birth to earth was really miraculous. He shared that he was in classes and would be tutored and advised until the fateful day of his scheduled birth, which would be in around seven years, if it was to be. 

Even though Keegan had never lived on earth or never even taken a trip there, he had been alive for many centuries. He had witnessed eons of earth events unfold as he waited his turn. At first he wondered if he did not have anything to offer mortality as he waited and waited, but eventually realized each spirit was unique and assigned their perfect time to magnify their talents given in the world below. 

Pearl discerned that Keegan made friends easily, his motto for life was “make wherever you are where you want to be”. He had certainly put those words to use and had amazing circles of acquaintances in this realm above. He knew and enjoyed discussing the world below with philosophers like Plato, Nietzsche and even Confucius. He lived fun-filled and existed in the moment hanging out with beacons of creativity like Di Vinci, Edison and his favorite Walt Disney. Keegan would be ready to enjoy every minute of earth life when he finally arrived as a Lanrete or other. He would have his time to shine. 

His closest circle were those who like himself were yet to navigate the ultimate experience of earth. They had all had a millennia to imagine what it would actually be like and prepare. Their mock-mortal scenarios were fun and imaginative, but lacked the bite of bodies that could feel and experience pain. Their diminishing numbers were more than family to one another. Before each exited to face the dangers below, they held tender “send-off” celebrations. They knew they would not remember each other on the other side and some may not return. It was an ultimate send off to war. Not like wars depicted in Hollywood’s movies, but the eternal battle between good and evil. Keegan never knew if he would see any of them again or if it would be the same when he did. It was an unknown that put a damper on the would-be parties, they were really so much more than that. Nonetheless Keegan was usually the life of the party with an understanding that spanned the eternities. 

Pearl hoped and prayed Keegan would be her grandson. She already loved and adored him. But the biggest dilemma she faced at this moment in the continuum of time was how to help her darling daughter Emma. She was blinded to who she really was. Her capabilities were also endless. It horrified her that Emma was so distraught that she felt she had no other options than to end her life on earth. Of course in some strange way, Pearl would love to have Emma here with her, but Emma’s time was not over. There were many things she had left to accomplish that she would miss out on if she left early, including Keegan.  Emma’s self-esteem was so extremely low. Had Maggie been that lacking and unaware as a mother, or had her incident magnified the situation. 

She watched from above as Emma wrote in her bird and feather covered journal words that ripped at a mother’s heart. Pearl’s Maggie-body lay in just the next room, through the thin wall, but was ineffectual in dealing with the words she read. Emma lay on her own twin bed below scratching words rapidly on the purple lined pages:

4-2-2017

“Today I brought home the “Hamilton” soundtrack in a double CD case from the library and listened to it over and over again. Since it is Sunday I didn’t have to go to school and had some empty hours to fill. I’ve been waiting weeks to hear the music and see for myself what the rage is about. The CD was backed up forever on the hold list since it has been such a smash hit Broadway show for the last year. I usually don’t love history, but the words to these hip hop songs made the American revolution come alive. I have to admit I shed tears as I listened to the musical story. Why does so much of history have to be so tragic. I wonder if I would have liked living during that time period. Such intense living with shorter life spans, but they were really living for something back then. 

I loved the song “Helpless” for obvious reasons. Haha. I must have played that one over at least ten times. The title fits how I feel about my situation totally, but the music felt so hopefully encouraging and really touched my heart for some reason. I can relate to the lyrics “I am down for the count and drowning in it.”  After about the third time immersed in the words I realized it is more of a falling in love song haha, but that is what life should be all about anyway shouldn’t it. It would be nice to be half of a timeless love story before I die. “Why do I feel like I am running out of time”.

That refrain in the musical felt like I was looking in the mirror, “why does he write like he is running out of time.”  I guess that is how I feel too. I want to leave a part of me so I m not forgotten totally. Not that my words will shape a country like Hamilton’s did, but maybe explain who I am and why I do what I do. 

Another of the songs had a line in the lyrics that said, “Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints”. I thought about that statement for a long time. I don’t think I am really either a sinner or a saint, but somewhere in the middle. Death really is no respecter of persons it seems. The grim reaper comes for all of us sooner or later. Does when he comes or how he comes matter?

Hamilton’s sweet wife Eliza kept trying to tell him he was enough, just staying alive was enough. But he did not or could not listen and had to do things the hard way. I don’t think that is my problem, but I feel like an orphan at times too and I think that was one thing that propelled him to make something of himself. I have much humbler goals.

Probably the words that hit me the deepest were sung by the President Washington character near the end of each half the musical…”You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story”…. Do we really have no control??? I suppose not in many areas of our lives, but maybe my words in this journal will help tell my story. Will anyone remember who I am or know what I thought? I want to write my own story, 

I know I have no control over if my mother lives or dies. Do I really have no control whether I do or not? Should I have control whether I live or not or is that for the heavens or fate to decide? I wish Alexander Hamilton would have lived longer. He died in such a stupid, senseless way and maybe he had much more to contribute to this world before he left. Was that part of the plan? Did his death have any purpose? 

I am so confused. I want to offer good things to this world, but feel like I have nothing to offer. Not that the world would be better off without me, but I doubt it would notice if I were gone. My life would make an uninteresting musical with the melodies to the songs all in monotone. Haha. The cast of characters would be colorful no doubt, but the plot a dreary plodding line and not sure what the big build up would be or who in the world would want to watch it. Haha. Just imagining my life all acted out is depressing. 

I have too much to think about and dig through in my mind. I overthink everything to the point of paralyzation. Maybe I should prolifically write instead like Hamilton. I doubt I will get much sleep. I might go out and lay under the stars. Perhaps they can shine light down to show me the way to go. Like bread crumbs through the heavens…sweet dreams to me.”

Pearl could hardly keep reading. She could feel all the swirling emotions of the words her little girl penned. Pearl knew she did not have much more time to be a part-timer going back and forth between both worlds not really a part of either. Her connection to temporal things was weakening as her spirit grew stronger. She needed to do something before she was no longer able to as Maggie. She needed Emma to know she was still there for her and always would be. She need to remind her daughter that good things come to those who wait. Pearl must convince Christian to let her carry out an idea that was forming in her mind.